she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
