Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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