Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
