I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
