New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
