yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
