I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
