remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
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She's just so happy...and so naked.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
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Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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