Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
