You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
