Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
