Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
