just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
May the power of my ass compel you!!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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