Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
