Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize