it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
