im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
