I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
