I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
whose ass print is on the piano?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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