I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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