That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
