me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
