thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
