Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
