were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
