Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
