jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You've changed since you got that strap on
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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