I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
