Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
