John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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