Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She bit a glass in half.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
