After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
