so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
