ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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