Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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