Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's just like the Real World with babies
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
