no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
