Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
