but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
