I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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