Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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