yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
