I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
