i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize