So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
