Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
