I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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