I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
