I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
