Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
