I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
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Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize