I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
