im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize