my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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