I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
we're so committed to being not committed
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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