she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
