my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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