Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
