i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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