She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
