I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
