If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
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Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
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Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.