the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
