I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
