Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I need water and some morals
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
