woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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