Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
