Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
